You’re sitting in a coffee shop (it’s ok, you were thirsty for coffee). You see a cute girl who gives you a very brief look and turns away at the moment of eye contact. It’s a signal, a good signal. You think to yourself, “she’s giving me the sex eyes.” It’s enough of a signal for you to approach her and start a conversation. But you don’t because you don’t know what to say. What do you say? You don’t know. So instead of approaching her you sit there and think about approaching her. You think about what you want to say. You play out a conversation with her in your mind. You think about dating her. Fucking her. You internalize so many different scenarios of being with her you begin to second guess yourself. You doubt her initial signal. Does she like you? Doesn’t she like you? Were those the sex eyes? You no longer know.

You’re confused, you can’t act. You’re frozen. Fuck, you’ve just disabled yourself with the Carbonite Maneuver. You’re a guy, so it’s up to you to make first contact, but there are a few things to realize here, most importantly, it doesn’t matter if she gave you a signal or not, or if she likes you or not. The only thing that matters is if you like her, that should be enough for you to approach her. Let your desire be your motivation, not hers. We spoke about this back in our “Confidence Man” post, and yeah, you need to be confident, but you also need to know you don’t need lustful George Lucas like dialogue to make a break through in conversation. And thinking you do will kill your chances. Remember, there’s no pressure. She’s a girl. You know nothing about her. So the only way to find out something about her, other than her incredible hotness, is to ask. It’s no different than talking to someone checking your groceries at a grocery store (other than the fact you want to stick your penis into her vagina).

Really. You have to have the same mind set. Nothing is on the line. Is she gonna want to talk? Maybe. Maybe not. But you’re never gonna know if you don’t approach her and talk to her. If she doesn’t, big deal. Who cares? As much as it might seem personal, it’s not personal. She knows nothing of you, how can it be personal? For all you know she could be pissed because her dad just cut off her cell phone. What the fuck does that have to do with you? As Donlak says, it’s a numbers game. There’s gonna be some rejection. There are gonna be some awkward moments. Even I’ve had some awkward moments. The most awkward being the time I approached a girl and her girlfriend at a restaurant table, I sat next to them, said something like, “Hey, how’s it going?” only to have them look at me thinking “who the fuck are you?” and then carry on with their conversation for another minute as if I wasn’t there.

I sat there for a minute waiting for them to finish their discussion so we could engage in dialogue, but nope, they just kept on talking, kept on ignoring me, so after a couple more minutes of listening to their rambling diatribe, I got up, feeling a little foolish, and went back to my table and sat down. But whatever. I gave it a go. The rejection meant nothing. More often than not, they’ll at least be polite enough to have a short discussion. Expect this. Ask for her phone number. Engage in the texting game (Donlak has more advise for you on that front). Contact her later that night. Get her over to your place, have some fun with her. Introduce her to your world. And when you’ve built up a decent relationship with her, had sex with her, had her get emotionally attached to you, and finally hear her say, “I love you” make sure you tell her, “I know.”